Contains vulgarity, wild mood swings, explicit sexuality, unashamed narcissism, glorified fatalism and overall pretentiousness. Unsuitable for children, people with heart conditions, literary critics, people generally lacking in humour and imagination, right-wing conservatives, people with a strict moral compass, a weak stomach, or a grown-up sense of self.

Just a place to purge, dream, laugh: sometimes creatively, sometimes curmudgeonly, always needlessly poetic.

My preoccupations include willful obscurity, paper plate UFOs, sexual depravity, scar tissue, rockabilly aesthetics, paranoid delusions, prozac trips and giggling. So like The Pixies, but with less musical aptitude and surfing references.

Bred in America, I currently reside in a London conversion with a self-righteous cat.

Like all greedy and eager little Web 2.0 enthusiasts, I am compelled to leave my tender footprints scattered about: