Comments for Down In Me http://downinme.com Self-conscious words for subconscious ideas Fri, 25 Jul 2008 05:34:07 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.5 Comment on Melody of certain damaged lemons by andre http://downinme.com/2008/07/23/couldnt-help-but/#comment-1860 andre Thu, 24 Jul 2008 15:37:58 +0000 http://downinme.com/?p=256#comment-1860 lovely words lovely words

]]> Comment on Melody of certain damaged lemons by Jim Murdoch http://downinme.com/2008/07/23/couldnt-help-but/#comment-1859 Jim Murdoch Thu, 24 Jul 2008 15:31:10 +0000 http://downinme.com/?p=256#comment-1859 I'm not sure where this piece is going. My first thought was that the narrator is blind and I assumed 'clock-watchers' was a pun when I got to it. The title is of no help whatsoever though. Who are the 'we' in the last two sentences? I assume a couple. But then what is the crowd they have fallen into? The first two sentences are past tense; the last two, present. I assume that the narrator is looking back at a situation in which they no longer find themselves but there are more questions to the piece than answers I'm afraid. At least as far as I'm concerned. It needs developing. Personally I'd drop the last two sentences and explore the space this couple found themselves in. I’m not sure where this piece is going. My first thought was that the narrator is blind and I assumed ‘clock-watchers’ was a pun when I got to it. The title is of no help whatsoever though. Who are the ‘we’ in the last two sentences? I assume a couple. But then what is the crowd they have fallen into? The first two sentences are past tense; the last two, present. I assume that the narrator is looking back at a situation in which they no longer find themselves but there are more questions to the piece than answers I’m afraid. At least as far as I’m concerned. It needs developing. Personally I’d drop the last two sentences and explore the space this couple found themselves in.

]]> Comment on Melody of certain damaged lemons by An Unreliable Witness http://downinme.com/2008/07/23/couldnt-help-but/#comment-1858 An Unreliable Witness Wed, 23 Jul 2008 20:14:57 +0000 http://downinme.com/?p=256#comment-1858 I wish I knew some song-singing, passively-aggressive tragic romantics. They sound like my sort of people. Ah well. *sighs* I wish I knew some song-singing, passively-aggressive tragic romantics. They sound like my sort of people.

Ah well. *sighs*

]]> Comment on Melody of certain damaged lemons by Z http://downinme.com/2008/07/23/couldnt-help-but/#comment-1857 Z Wed, 23 Jul 2008 16:09:34 +0000 http://downinme.com/?p=256#comment-1857 Beautiful. Beautiful.

]]> Comment on I am. by drodbar http://downinme.com/2008/07/14/i-am/#comment-1856 drodbar Tue, 22 Jul 2008 20:32:25 +0000 http://downinme.com/?p=253#comment-1856 You sound like a solipsist in exile, on speed. You sound like a solipsist in exile, on speed.

]]> Comment on It’s usually exactly what you think it is by Ani http://downinme.com/2008/07/16/its-usually-exactly-what-you-think-it-is/#comment-1850 Ani Sat, 19 Jul 2008 18:01:40 +0000 http://downinme.com/?p=254#comment-1850 Yes! And a writer, too! All proper like. Yes! And a writer, too! All proper like.

]]> Comment on It’s usually exactly what you think it is by clarissa http://downinme.com/2008/07/16/its-usually-exactly-what-you-think-it-is/#comment-1849 clarissa Fri, 18 Jul 2008 18:50:21 +0000 http://downinme.com/?p=254#comment-1849 Wow! Jim is A Reader! Wow! Jim is A Reader!

]]> Comment on It’s usually exactly what you think it is by Ani http://downinme.com/2008/07/16/its-usually-exactly-what-you-think-it-is/#comment-1848 Ani Thu, 17 Jul 2008 20:53:35 +0000 http://downinme.com/?p=254#comment-1848 Clarissa: What? Where? Who? ;) Jim: Jim. Jim! Thank you. Again, spot on! I confess, the horse metaphor never entered my mind. Possibly because I am utter crap at metaphors. I think if I tried to develop that one, I'd mangle it! My pronouns are always all over the place, mostly on purpose. I think it's a bit of a defense mechanism, so it's at once embarrassing and heartening that you pointed that out. The solitary 'and' was a silly whim and even I, myself, wasn't sure how it was supposed to read (well-spotted). And finally, yes, I did intend to exaggerate the 'disappearing country'. This person doing the talking has a tendency to overstate things, but, of course, being unsure of who is talking you wouldn't be able to deduce that. I don't know if everyone else finds our little 'dissections' entertaining, but I get a LOT out of them, so thanks again. :) Your Wandering Mind: Thank you. :) Clarissa: What? Where? Who? ;)

Jim: Jim. Jim! Thank you. Again, spot on! I confess, the horse metaphor never entered my mind. Possibly because I am utter crap at metaphors. I think if I tried to develop that one, I’d mangle it!

My pronouns are always all over the place, mostly on purpose. I think it’s a bit of a defense mechanism, so it’s at once embarrassing and heartening that you pointed that out.

The solitary ‘and’ was a silly whim and even I, myself, wasn’t sure how it was supposed to read (well-spotted).

And finally, yes, I did intend to exaggerate the ‘disappearing country’. This person doing the talking has a tendency to overstate things, but, of course, being unsure of who is talking you wouldn’t be able to deduce that.

I don’t know if everyone else finds our little ‘dissections’ entertaining, but I get a LOT out of them, so thanks again. :)

Your Wandering Mind: Thank you. :)

]]> Comment on It’s usually exactly what you think it is by Your Wandering Mind http://downinme.com/2008/07/16/its-usually-exactly-what-you-think-it-is/#comment-1847 Your Wandering Mind Thu, 17 Jul 2008 13:12:17 +0000 http://downinme.com/?p=254#comment-1847 Nice and insightful! Nice and insightful!

]]> Comment on It’s usually exactly what you think it is by Jim Murdoch http://downinme.com/2008/07/16/its-usually-exactly-what-you-think-it-is/#comment-1846 Jim Murdoch Thu, 17 Jul 2008 10:12:49 +0000 http://downinme.com/?p=254#comment-1846 Before I'd read the piece properly I thought you were talking about horses actually – I clung to the words 'manes' and 'butcher' – and it might be a metaphor worth developing (I'm sure I don’t need to spell it out for you). I had a problem with who was talking here and to whom; the pronouns are all over the place. I'd have a wee look at that. I found the solitary 'And.' which follows '...a country that no longer exists." interesting. I read it over a few times and wasn't sure how precisely you would say it. If you'd added an ellipsis after it then that would've helped. As for the country – 'Only in history books, and then only the most obscure' – I feel that's an exaggeration. No one working the streets would be so old that 'only the most obscure' history books would have details of her country of origin. The idea's good, I just think the language needs to be tempered a bit here. Loved 'In shades of cream and pale and cool' and 'our superiority and our virility and remarkable civility' by the way. Before I’d read the piece properly I thought you were talking about horses actually – I clung to the words ‘manes’ and ‘butcher’ – and it might be a metaphor worth developing (I’m sure I don’t need to spell it out for you).

I had a problem with who was talking here and to whom; the pronouns are all over the place. I’d have a wee look at that.

I found the solitary ‘And.’ which follows ‘…a country that no longer exists.” interesting. I read it over a few times and wasn’t sure how precisely you would say it. If you’d added an ellipsis after it then that would’ve helped.

As for the country – ‘Only in history books, and then only the most obscure’ – I feel that’s an exaggeration. No one working the streets would be so old that ‘only the most obscure’ history books would have details of her country of origin. The idea’s good, I just think the language needs to be tempered a bit here.

Loved ‘In shades of cream and pale and cool’ and ‘our superiority and our virility and remarkable civility’ by the way.

]]> Comment on It’s usually exactly what you think it is by clarissa http://downinme.com/2008/07/16/its-usually-exactly-what-you-think-it-is/#comment-1845 clarissa Wed, 16 Jul 2008 16:22:52 +0000 http://downinme.com/?p=254#comment-1845 Ouch! And Shame! Ouch! And Shame!

]]> Comment on I am. by Ani http://downinme.com/2008/07/14/i-am/#comment-1844 Ani Wed, 16 Jul 2008 13:27:40 +0000 http://downinme.com/?p=253#comment-1844 Jim: How do you always hone in so precisely? :) My default setting is for contractions, so you can imagine how deliberately I chose the spaciousness (and you were right, the implied pause) that 'can not' provides. As for 'lots of no one,' I'm glad that sounded as muddled as it truly is. Ben: You are too beautiful to ever feel anything so ugly, dearest Ben. AUW: You are getting sleeeeeeepy. Very sleeeeeepy. You feel like handing me yoooour wallet. Oh, and your Mac laaaaaaptop. Yeeeees. Carla: No! Um. Sorry, reflex mechanism. I am quite contrary, you see. What I meant was: hello and welcome! ;) Jim: How do you always hone in so precisely? :) My default setting is for contractions, so you can imagine how deliberately I chose the spaciousness (and you were right, the implied pause) that ‘can not’ provides. As for ‘lots of no one,’ I’m glad that sounded as muddled as it truly is.

Ben: You are too beautiful to ever feel anything so ugly, dearest Ben.

AUW: You are getting sleeeeeeepy. Very sleeeeeepy. You feel like handing me yoooour wallet. Oh, and your Mac laaaaaaptop. Yeeeees.

Carla: No! Um. Sorry, reflex mechanism. I am quite contrary, you see. What I meant was: hello and welcome! ;)

]]> Comment on I am. by Carla http://downinme.com/2008/07/14/i-am/#comment-1843 Carla Wed, 16 Jul 2008 10:59:05 +0000 http://downinme.com/?p=253#comment-1843 Yes. Yes.

]]> Comment on I am. by An Unreliable Witness http://downinme.com/2008/07/14/i-am/#comment-1841 An Unreliable Witness Tue, 15 Jul 2008 17:41:44 +0000 http://downinme.com/?p=253#comment-1841 That was hypnotic. And these days I am not easily hypnotised. (Incidentally, I dont recommend driving either. You need to know someone who can get a discount on black cab fares) That was hypnotic. And these days I am not easily hypnotised. (Incidentally, I dont recommend driving either. You need to know someone who can get a discount on black cab fares)

]]> Comment on I am. by Ben http://downinme.com/2008/07/14/i-am/#comment-1840 Ben Tue, 15 Jul 2008 14:48:48 +0000 http://downinme.com/?p=253#comment-1840 I understand. Really, I do. A little too well perhaps - this all sounds very familiar. I understand. Really, I do. A little too well perhaps - this all sounds very familiar.

]]> Comment on I am. by Jim Murdoch http://downinme.com/2008/07/14/i-am/#comment-1839 Jim Murdoch Tue, 15 Jul 2008 10:17:00 +0000 http://downinme.com/?p=253#comment-1839 I stumbled a bit over "I can not stop writing…" because I would normally use 'cannot'. I know there's no difference but I think using the two words is actually better because it felt like shifting gear in between. Try pausing for a second as you read it and you'll get the idea, as if you're not quite sure what's coming next and then your words catch up on you and accelerate. That said, I think "lots of no one" would be better as "no ones". Nice rant. I stumbled a bit over “I can not stop writing…” because I would normally use ‘cannot’. I know there’s no difference but I think using the two words is actually better because it felt like shifting gear in between. Try pausing for a second as you read it and you’ll get the idea, as if you’re not quite sure what’s coming next and then your words catch up on you and accelerate.

That said, I think “lots of no one” would be better as “no ones”.

Nice rant.

]]> Comment on I am. by Ani http://downinme.com/2008/07/14/i-am/#comment-1838 Ani Tue, 15 Jul 2008 09:25:27 +0000 http://downinme.com/?p=253#comment-1838 Clarissa: You're lovely. *purrrrrrrrr* Z: You're lovely, too. *petal wiggle* Max: Hello and welcome, Max. Oh, if only it were that easy... ;) Clarissa: You’re lovely. *purrrrrrrrr*

Z: You’re lovely, too. *petal wiggle*

Max: Hello and welcome, Max. Oh, if only it were that easy… ;)

]]> Comment on Scratch to bleed by Ani http://downinme.com/2008/07/09/scratch-to-bleed/#comment-1837 Ani Tue, 15 Jul 2008 09:20:56 +0000 http://downinme.com/?p=251#comment-1837 Jem: Thank you! I can't imagine anyone reading my stuff once, let alone re-reading. ;) Lynn: Hello and welcome, Lynn. Emotional and wordy is our specialty here! Feel free to indulge. Jem: Thank you! I can’t imagine anyone reading my stuff once, let alone re-reading. ;)

Lynn: Hello and welcome, Lynn. Emotional and wordy is our specialty here! Feel free to indulge.

]]> Comment on Scratch to bleed by Lynn http://downinme.com/2008/07/09/scratch-to-bleed/#comment-1836 Lynn Tue, 15 Jul 2008 00:30:41 +0000 http://downinme.com/?p=251#comment-1836 I think I may have just fallen in love with your words. I think you may have just made me utterly captivated with a feeling I haven't felt for a while. I think I may have to break up with my boyfriend now. He doesn't like me having emotions, or being wordy. I think I may have just fallen in love with your words.
I think you may have just made me utterly captivated with a feeling I haven’t felt for a while.
I think I may have to break up with my boyfriend now.
He doesn’t like me having emotions, or being wordy.

]]> Comment on Ex-Boyfriend Letters #14 by max http://downinme.com/2008/06/26/ex-boyfriend-letters-14/#comment-1835 max Mon, 14 Jul 2008 21:35:47 +0000 http://downinme.com/?p=241#comment-1835 what? no link to the bird-stuffing clip? oh well. what? no link to the bird-stuffing clip? oh well.

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