Dear Ex-Boyfriend,
Was that your jeep parked across the street, in full view of my bedroom window last night? If so, please allow me to clarify that the intermittent opening and closing of the curtains was in no way a secretly encoded message on my part. I was merely attempting to repair the track.
Psychotically yours,
Your Ex-Girlfriend (compulsive, no longer obsessive)
Dear Ex-Boyfriend,
I have recently begun to mull over the issue of your reluctance to engage in meaningful sexual activities of an admittedly, though very mildly, twisted nature during the course of our relationship. It is not like I ever asked for anything completely out of the ordinary, like something involving hamsters or a small weather vane. Really. Would the occasional smack on the bottom have been so out of place?
Masochistically yours,
Your Ex-Girlfriend (now in a variety of fruity flavours)
