down in me

feel like a mass delusion. feel like a tree, feel like going into the atmosphere with my friend milky and saying ‘fuck it’ to the stars because really, who decides when light is to reach the surface of my leaves? i want to climb up stairs, feel like an intrusion, feel apt. i just want someone to say here is a girl, her name is ani, care for her, pretend she’s an animal, pretend she’s a tree. i want to know when i became so standoffish and i want to know when i became sane and i also want to know if that was you in the car park the other night, bleating horribly into the space like some winded elephant or a nintendo 64 or something because i really wanted to play with you but my eyes kept saying stop it, you are not a tree you are a mass delusion and we don’t want to see where you’re going to end up, we always were the prettiest part of you, we don’t deserve this squinting treatment and etc.