Bitch’s Plot
29th November 2009My evil plan is to be the Chloe Sevigny to (Dogzplot Flash Fiction Editor) Barry Graham’s Harmony Korine, the Uma Thurman to his Quentin Tarantino, the Laura Dern to his David Lynch, the … what I’m trying to say is, second time on Dogzplot! Read it and weep:
Just kidding, I didn’t write that one. I wish I had, but no, Howie Good visited while I slept and sucked it out my ear. I wrote:
I just grabbed my breasts and whispered I love you baby to myself.
29th November 2009 at 2:30 pm
‘babies’, surely? Breasts are plural. Honestly, grammar these days …
29th November 2009 at 2:38 pm
Clarification: obviously if you were saying ‘I love you’ to yourself, that would be okay, but please don’t grab plural parts of your anatomy in order to say that, just singular parts. That will help a lot. And if you were saying ‘I love you’ to your breasts, then you might want to say ‘I love you both’ - maybe adding ‘equally’. Unless, of course, you favour the left over the right or the right over the left. And when I say ‘over’ I don’t mean ‘on top of’ - that would just be anatomically weird and probably deformed. The Woman With The Vertical Breasts, or something. Is that a movie? I’m sure that’s a movie. I’d like to see it. The movie, I mean. Not the vertical breasts. Although obviously the movie would contain Vertical Breasts or there wouldn’t be a lot of substance to the title.
I don’t get out much, you know.
Oh yes. Dogzplot. Very good. I liked it. A lot. Even though it didn’t mention breasts, either of the vertical or the horizontal variety.
29th November 2009 at 2:51 pm
AUW has found a superb dealer in the meanwhile.
29th November 2009 at 3:43 pm
You are not the only one who loves you. Or your breasts, for that matter.
29th November 2009 at 9:59 pm
I’m in agreement with the grammar of Unreliable Witness. However, I think it depends on whether you were addressing your breasts or not in the phrase. I read it as though you were addressing an external subject, and not a particular body part (regardless of whether it were vertical or horizontal).
Also, Dogzplot was great. Enjoyed it greatly.
4th December 2009 at 5:14 pm
the chloe sevigny to my vincent gallo
5th December 2009 at 2:30 am
just as an aside, i cannot believe there is a real amanda knox.
6th December 2009 at 5:30 pm
Thank you people, I am glad you all had so much fun playing with my breasts. I know I did. And W: you can’t imagine the depths of my bad taste and poor judgement.
10th December 2009 at 4:43 am
“I just grabbed my breasts and whispered I love you baby to myself.”
fuck that’s sexy. Women have all the fun.