Comments on: Partial transcripts http://downinme.com/2009/04/20/partial-transcript/ “bad writing is characterized by obfuscation, showboating, narcissism, lack of a moral core, and style over substance." Wed, 04 Jan 2012 11:09:15 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.4 By: Ani Smith http://downinme.com/2009/04/20/partial-transcript/comment-page-1/#comment-3955 Ani Smith Wed, 22 Apr 2009 19:40:26 +0000 http://downinme.com/?p=1380#comment-3955 Jem: Yes, tongues have probably inspired many a story. Jim: Thanks, Jim. Just playing around with voices and seeing what they feel like. You're right about the 'cusp' thing, I think. I was hoping it sounded more convoluted than it did. Jem: Yes, tongues have probably inspired many a story.

Jim: Thanks, Jim. Just playing around with voices and seeing what they feel like. You’re right about the ‘cusp’ thing, I think. I was hoping it sounded more convoluted than it did.

]]> By: Jim Murdoch http://downinme.com/2009/04/20/partial-transcript/comment-page-1/#comment-3951 Jim Murdoch Wed, 22 Apr 2009 15:41:30 +0000 http://downinme.com/?p=1380#comment-3951 Is this supposed to be a single work, a literary diptych? If so I think it's an interesting combination and I've certainly seen it done visually before, two contrasting images. It might be an idea to suggest that the potential killer is also a pro in his own right so there is a connection between the two sections. And, if I'm being picky (me? picky?) I didn't like "cusp of the crest of my life" - it feels too wordy for the character, not that he wouldn't know the words, simply that he wouldn't use them in an expression like this. Is this supposed to be a single work, a literary diptych? If so I think it’s an interesting combination and I’ve certainly seen it done visually before, two contrasting images. It might be an idea to suggest that the potential killer is also a pro in his own right so there is a connection between the two sections.

And, if I’m being picky (me? picky?) I didn’t like “cusp of the crest of my life” - it feels too wordy for the character, not that he wouldn’t know the words, simply that he wouldn’t use them in an expression like this.

]]> By: jem http://downinme.com/2009/04/20/partial-transcript/comment-page-1/#comment-3950 jem Wed, 22 Apr 2009 11:29:31 +0000 http://downinme.com/?p=1380#comment-3950 I love this line 'Her tongue is always at the optimum level of moisture.' - I think there is a whole story or piece in that. Makes me wonder what different levels of moisture mean. What they could achieve. I love this line ‘Her tongue is always at the optimum level of moisture.’ - I think there is a whole story or piece in that. Makes me wonder what different levels of moisture mean. What they could achieve.

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