The man was not naked
26th March 2009The man and the woman showered together and the woman felt naked and she tried to describe how the man felt but the man was not naked.
The man and the woman showered together and the woman hoped the man would ‘take her from behind’ but the man lathered himself with regular smelling soap.
The man and the woman showered together but the woman was really a girl and she was afraid of the man’s average sized penis.
The man and the woman showered together but the woman had been thinking about another man too much and her writing was no longer her own.
Also she had been reading a lot of books.
Also she had been thinking of making notes in the margins.
Also she had been thinking about lists.
Also she felt improbably unoriginal.
The man and the woman showered together in a large shower room in the largest house they’d yet been in. The man offered to shampoo the woman’s hair and put too much shampoo in it and brusquely ‘massaged’ it until it was tangled and it took the woman a long time to untangle it and she wanted to cry and tell the man what a metaphor for their relationship this was but she stayed quiet because she was afraid that he was ‘just not that into her’.
The man and the woman showered together and the woman grabbed the back of the man’s head and smashed his stupid face against the bloody tiles.
The man and the woman showered together and the man kissed the woman and they tasted her shampoo and they laughed and looked happy.
The man and the woman showered together and they were made clean.
The man and the woman showered together and the woman wanted to die.
The man and the woman showered together because they both smelled like marijuana instead of store brand shower gel.
The man and the woman showered together to save time.
And to be naked in close proximity.
And because they had seen it in movies.
And that the woman’s parents used to shower together.
And the woman showered with her sister until puberty when their mom made them stop.
And because cleanliness is something.
The man and the horse calcified a wrought-iron tree with a monkey wrench.
The man and the woman showered together because that was completely contrived.
The man and the woman showered together because the woman likes the sound of keystrokes.
And exacerbating pre-existing conditions.
And going along with the man’s stupid ideas.
And dropping the soap.
26th March 2009 at 1:55 pm
Really loving this. And I also like the sound of keystrokes, especially on a clacky mechanical keyboard. Mmmmm.
26th March 2009 at 2:00 pm
i would like to watch this
26th March 2009 at 2:40 pm
Like any great piece of writing, about ten (at least ten) different ideas circled round my head the first time I read this. So then I had to read it again. And once more, just to check.
[And this bit isn’t strictly relevant: but in summary, thank fuck, as I thought that decent writing on the internet had all but jumped down a well and smashed its skull on the stone floor over the past couple of weeks. Oh, and I’ll shut up now.]
26th March 2009 at 4:24 pm
and going along with the man’s stupid ideas.
26th March 2009 at 4:46 pm
the man and the woman showered together and it resulted in great blog entries.
26th March 2009 at 7:29 pm
always drop the soap in prison
always
27th March 2009 at 7:53 am
ooooh I like this… even if I hate showering together.
27th March 2009 at 3:58 pm
K: Yeah, I learned to type on an old typewriter and I still have romantic feelings for it.
Xtx: I would like you to watch this.
AUW: If you are trying to make me blush please stop. It is not working. In the least. *burns*
Ty: Yeah like eating a load of jalapeños. Or just letting you ‘put the tip in’. Um. I feel I should point out that those two items are completely unrelated.
Max: Thank you, Max. :)
Otto: Have you even been to prison? Do you know what we do to pretty boys like you in prison?
Amanda: Welcome and thank you. I find it depends on the sort of bathroom. Like how big is the tub, what kind of shower gel is available, etc etc.
27th March 2009 at 4:00 pm
It’s funny… I started reading without glancing at the title. I thought I had clicked a link to the blog of An Unreliable Witness. I kept reading, and I thought, “Damn, he’s really changed his style of writing. -I like it.”
Then I realized it was you, and it seemed to make sense.
In any event, joy was had.
27th March 2009 at 5:41 pm
I couldn’t stop smiling, reading from start to finish.
27th March 2009 at 11:34 pm
Hey Persico. You know, I would give my eye teeth, my teeth and my eyes for my words to be mistaken for the oeuvre of the legendary Andi Smythe of Dine in Me. Sadly, they don’t. Sigh. Honestly, what’s a passive-aggressive online writer gotta do? P.S. I have had vodka.
28th March 2009 at 12:48 am
I don’t understand a bit yet I understand every word. I don’t know how you do that but it’s very, very good. And vodka is good, too. Cheers.
28th March 2009 at 9:13 am
Persico: I’m the blue one. Remember that. :)
Melissa: I smiled at your comment so I guess it’s catching.
AUW: You see? This is exactly why *I* never drink.
Ha. Haha. Hahaha! HAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAAAAAA!!!!!!!!1
Thedirty: What a lovely observation and an interesting one since the not understanding bit is what puts people off a lot of the time. I’d like it if everyone understood whatever they are going to understand for themselves, like you. (And I’m not sure if that made any sense, either.)
28th March 2009 at 2:35 pm
nice description on this one
23rd April 2009 at 7:01 pm
Adam and Eve and the shower rose.