Party on the Peninsula
21st January 2009I am the spent host of a lavish party. None of the guests can spell my name. Everything sparkles. I feel inclined to drink the champagne. It’s cheap. I scrunch my nose. Glitter powder hides my distaste. Next to you, I’m eighty-five and knackered. I’m your sour tongue taste after a long, hard day. You propose a toast to the idea of me. I propose a shot and reach for another. You place two before me and I nod and smile. We get shit-faced before long. I have a headache. Everything shines like new. I feel inclined to touch something. It dodges me. Smartly chosen footwear hides my distaste. Next to you, I am three-year old worn panties. The revellers, they nod and smile.
21st January 2009 at 10:19 pm
“Next to you, I’m eighty-five and knackered.”
Yes, but you’re not looking a day over eighty-four, that’s the main thing.
“Next to you, I am three-year old worn panties.”
I recommend Cillit Bang.
21st January 2009 at 10:31 pm
Smartly chosen footwear hides my distaste.
I thought long and hard about this.
Feet.
Are the thing.
Feet are the new black.
x
22nd January 2009 at 1:25 am
‘None of the guests can spell my name’ – I’m gonna get it tattooed somewhere. Suggestions?
22nd January 2009 at 9:48 am
“Glitter powder hides my distaste.”
I can SEE this. This is just
beautiful. But you’re not next
to me. But I would like to be
the meat in that sandwich…
22nd January 2009 at 11:42 pm
AUW: You just had to work the Cillit Bang reference in there somehow, eh!
Chris: My toes are positively wiggling with glee.
L: Me leiste la mente, bella. At one point I had a couple of sentences in there about drunk tattoos which I couldn’t make work. Now, I am thinking the bosom, but that would be completely selfish as it doesn’t make for a very classy look.
Jack: Well, I *have* been trying to get more protein in my diet … fact. ;)
23rd January 2009 at 1:03 pm
I’m not sure that anyone would say: “I am the spent host of a lavish party.” It feels unnatural. I think you could get away with: “I am spent.” I think the rest makes it clear.
23rd January 2009 at 2:31 pm
Far be it for me to disagree, Jim. But I disagree.
Firstly, the use of language - whether economical or (ahem) lavish - is surely a stylistic choice? A writer may be able to say something in three words, but it could well lack the style, creativity and personal touch they choose to give it by stating the same thought in nine words or more. If everything is going to be about being concise - saying something in as few words as possible - then most writers may as well give up now and get jobs as estate agents. (Okay, estate agents may not be a good example in the current economic climate.)
Secondly, as a reader of this piece, I don’t think the phrase ‘I am spent’, which you suggest, would be nearly as clear as the line that Ani chose to open with. Certain details may indeed be filled in later in the paragraph, but I think this opening line sets out the idea perfectly. Indeed, ‘I am spent’ would open itself to many more interpretations that would then become confused with the details that are revealed later.
Just my view, of course.
23rd January 2009 at 6:04 pm
@ An Unreliable Witness – You have a point but I didn’t want to start making more suggestions to compensate for the change. I have a tendency to rewrite if I’m not careful. It really all depends on what Ani’s intentions were. It just felt, as I said, unnatural. Passing on the information is critical. I just wasn’t sure that that particular sentence didn’t take away as it added if you get my drift. Again, like you, it was a personal reaction. I’m not saying I’m right.
24th January 2009 at 12:15 am
I’m not saying I’m right.
That’s odd Jim, ‘cause I feel I’m right all the time.
24th January 2009 at 8:39 am
Sounds like Ibiza.
24th January 2009 at 1:14 pm
Chris, Jim, AUW: Thank you. :)
I always appreciate critical comments, even as they don’t give me the warm tickle of the loving comments - Jim’s right that they are important. Life’s not all warm tickles, as we well know.
That said, I don’t think I would choose not to say something a certain way because it sounds unnatural or because no one else would say it that way. On the contrary, I’m glad that my writing feels awkward or unnatural to some. I think that accurately reflects my reality.
Clarissa: Do they discuss writing style a lot in Ibiza? ;)
5th February 2009 at 11:42 am
Nice. I like the steady decline in the ‘I am’s’ - and that observation that after a certain number of drinks everything shines.
8th February 2009 at 12:24 am
I can’t remember how I found you but I’m glad I did. So very glad. Perhaps it was Z because she knows the smart and barely-held-together clever folk who see and express things in off-centre but stunningly clear ways. Hello.
8th February 2009 at 2:40 pm
‘smart and barely-held-together clever folk who see and express things in off-centre but stunningly clear ways.’
^ this is why i like this blog.
[i feel like a creepy suck-up now.]
8th February 2009 at 3:06 pm
Thanks for the love, girls.
Thedirtyblonde: Welcome. You’re probably right that it was Z. We have a mutual admiration society thing going. Plus I think she’s hot as fuck, but don’t tell her I said that.
Roberta: The creepiness is entirely mutual.