Bitch
20th November 2008Bitch, what have you got to be sorry for
with your glazed doughnut skin
and your pink lemonade cheeks
chocolate fondue hair cascade
down green apple shoulders
so sweet
you sicken me
all those dips
to run my tongue over
I’m sorry
I started to bitch you out
and I intended to press on
before I got distracted
by the bouncy red gummi bears
you flap for lips
20th November 2008 at 4:00 am
ha!
20th November 2008 at 10:51 am
There is no cheese in this poem.
Please correct this dreadful omission immediately, or I shall have to terminate my subscription to Dine In Me.
Thank you.
20th November 2008 at 6:59 pm
Should it not be ‘cascades’? And I think a line break after ‘to run my tongue over’ would help the flow. I feel the need to take a breath there.
An interesting approach. You’re not on a diet by any chance?
20th November 2008 at 10:50 pm
This made me hungry…
21st November 2008 at 8:13 pm
xtx: Ho! ;)
AUW: Believe me, I TRIED. I’m sorry, I love cheese, I do. It’s just cheese isn’t as sexy as gummi bears. Obviously.
Jim: I did go back and forth between ‘cascades’ and ‘cascade’ and ultimately decided on ‘cascade’ because I wanted it as a noun. I can see how the next line invalidates that, though. Hmmm. Good call. (Not sure what you mean about line break though? Did you mean a full stop?)
K: Mmmm, I think I was hungry when I wrote it.
21st November 2008 at 9:54 pm
I think that’s one of your best ever.
21st November 2008 at 10:26 pm
You know, I’ve been trying to loose a bit of weight recently, but reading this has totally fucked up that idea! *reaches for the nearest sugar rush*.
This it really well written you! :)
By the way, I think Jim Murdoch may have meant a line space between “to run my tongue over” and “I’m sorry”. Traditionally that would make it flow better for the reader, but I actually quite like the way it reads without that pause for thought.
23rd November 2008 at 5:53 pm
Z: Aw, cheers, mate. ;)
Dinos X: Oh, I see what you both mean. I was thrown because I actually double-spaced this one all through out for added breathing room.
24th November 2008 at 1:13 pm
I’ve always found descriptions that liken people to food a little creepy - all that caramel skin stuff. You’ve trumped those here though - made me laugh!