The baby panda bear
19th October 2008“What?” said the baby panda bear, “what are you all laughing at?”
“Aw, he’s so cute!” cried one of the women, while the rest cackled and held their stomachs and sniffled with mirth.
“What is it, I don’t understand?”
“Oh, baby panda bear, your little wee wee is showing!”
The crowd of women that was now closely huddled around the baby panda bear erupted in uproarious laughter. The baby panda bear felt claustrophobic and unable to grasp what it means for one’s ‘wee wee’ to show.
“I-I don’t understand …” he began.
“It’s like a little lipstick!” a jovial woman remarked.
“Awwwwwwww …” cried the rest of them in unison, drowning out the baby panda bear’s grave attempts to further clarify the matter. One of the women reached out and pinched the baby panda bear’s left ear.
“Hey! You can’t do that!”
But the women ignored the baby panda bear and continued giggling and squealing - “how cute! he’s adorable! look at his wee wee! aw, bless him!” - as they closed in on him.
19th October 2008 at 1:33 pm
“Miss! Miss! Miss Smith! What’s a ‘wee wee’, Miss Smith? Miss? Miss Smith, why has your face turned that bright red colour, Miss Smith?”
19th October 2008 at 1:50 pm
And then they wonder why pandas rarely reproduce in captivity.
19th October 2008 at 10:20 pm
That is very disturbing, a kind of tiny horror movie.
20th October 2008 at 4:16 am
eh, the panda just needs to learn to use his tongue and fingers and he’ll feel a lot better about his prowess.
i saw a baby panda at the san diego zoo. it was much smaller than the one depicted.
i am not much for ‘cute’ but it was pretty fucking adorable.
i saw no wee wee but i wasn’t looking for it either.
20th October 2008 at 12:08 pm
Pandas are so polite.
20th October 2008 at 1:33 pm
Little Billy: Hush! Don’t make me come over there and give you detention.
Lore: Ha. Yeah, I wouldn’t be able to function under those conditions, either.
Paul: Ah Paul, here you’ll see things you can never unsee if you stick around long enough.
Jereme: Alright you got me. It was really just an excuse to post a cute panda picture. And talk about wee wees. I am ashamed. A bit.
Lillipilli: Do they invite you over for tea?
20th October 2008 at 4:18 pm
Very effective. I think especially so since you gave the panda a voice. It wasn’t necessary. The piece could’ve been carried off quite effectively without that but it adds another level to it. How can something manage to be so cute and yet so scary at the same time?
20th October 2008 at 4:47 pm
This is quite scary. That feeling of being surrounded and admired but not for one’s own sake, having to fit in with the definition of cuteness, of being a gently ridiculed without knowing why. And now I realise I have totally read myself into the role of the panda bear.
21st October 2008 at 7:20 am
It is early in the morning and I am intensely irritated by said unholy hour, and this may unduly influence the following comment.
So I’m wondering how this piece of writing would work nearly so effectively (or even at all) if the panda didn’t have a voice? It may - as some of the above commenters have pointed out - be slightly scary, but surely it would be even more so, and lose the children’s story element, if it simply featured a bunch of women standing around peering at a panda’s genitals and passing remarks back and forth?
Of course, it might just be me.
21st October 2008 at 3:57 pm
Jim: Cute but scary. A glowing endorsement if ever I heard one (that is so going in my Love page). I gotta agree with Unreliable though, without the panda voice it’s a completely different story.
Jem: Yeah, poor little guy. As a foreigner in a strange land, I feel like that a lot of the time, whether people mean to make me feel that way or not.
AUW: I agree. However, I also think you should try and not wake up so early, it isn’t good for you. Me, I like to sleep ‘til 1 pm, at least. Oh. Sorry.
22nd October 2008 at 3:54 am
It just isn’t worth being cute when you’ve got a load of women standing around trying to emasculate you, is it?
22nd October 2008 at 4:17 pm
this blog post doesn’t have enough comments. i will help you.
22nd October 2008 at 5:33 pm
I agree with Alicia. This post needs more comments. So readers, we should talk about which rare and loveable animal Ani is going to have women staring at the wee wee of next. I vote duck billed platypus!
22nd October 2008 at 7:33 pm
Sloth. Middle aged one. Mentioning his Latin name (Bradypus tridactylus) almost twice.
22nd October 2008 at 9:05 pm
Z: They’re not emasculating him. Well, not on purpose anyway. i dread to think what it is they ARE doing.
Alicia: Thank you, it’s all about the comments, you know, that’s the only reason I am here. ;)
My other panda and Lore: A koala was the first one that came to mind. I guess this means I have a thing for bears?
23rd October 2008 at 8:11 am
naked mole rat
they look like dicks with teeth anyways
6th October 2009 at 12:10 am
This blog should have more comments. I hope this helps.
6th October 2009 at 12:12 am
This blog is so cool. I also love pandas!!!!