A projector, sitting quiet and lonely in a corner of the room
5th October 2008After watching your sex tape 23 times, I still want more. I want the camera to continue rolling as you slip your panties back on only to slip them down again when you go to the toilet to pee. I want to watch you splash water on your face and dry your underarms with the hand towel. From the safety of my side of the lens, I could watch as you rummage through the piles of clothes on the floor looking for an okay smelling t-shirt and settling on the baby blue one with the cigarette burn near your rib. The ultra realism of the digital hand-held will enable me to feel that I’m not missing out on anything as you scamper to the kitchen to pour yourself a drink.
I want to watch you uncork a bottle of red wine and bring the cork to your nose to deeply inhale its scent and think about how you’re not sure why you do that or when you started, but it makes you happy to do it all the same, and happier still when the smell is pleasurable (although you think you have noticed that it has little to do with the actual taste of the wine). I want to watch you curl up on the couch with the wine glass cradled in both hands and your feet tucked under your thighs and your lips ready to be pressed to the rim. I hope the cheap camera microphone picks up the gentle sound of your body positioning itself for comfort and your delicate sipping and the clicking of your nails on the remote when you turn on the television.
I want to watch you flip channels and grimace until you find the one you like and become engrossed, the way I was engrossed in your facial expressions earlier. I want to watch you light a cigarette and inhale then attempt to blow smoke rings and smile at yourself when the rings turn out to be ordinary puffs. Later I’ll think about pulling a coverlet over you when you doze off in the middle of your silly medical drama. Then I’ll kiss your nose tenderly and wait ‘til you are rested, so I can watch your sex tape again.
5th October 2008 at 11:39 pm
This all depends on what mood I’m in.
It’s one part voyeuristic, two parts romantic.
or
It’s two parts voyeuristic, one part romantic.
But it’s all parts sexy…
so I think you may have won this one.
6th October 2008 at 12:52 am
That is beautiful. A wonderful tender sensual piece of writing with a really subtle intelligence in the watching and being there nexus. Eloquent experience, I suspect.
6th October 2008 at 11:06 am
This is really clever - great idea to pick up on the voyeurism after the hardcore stuff is over. I think watching people do the little everyday things is more pleasurable. Great eye to detail throughout.
6th October 2008 at 4:49 pm
When I was young and still had a libido I was fascinated by all kinds of women. Those I saw in the real world with clothes I wanted to see without. Those I saw in the magazines (no such thing as video when I were a lad) I wanted to see clothed and take for coffee and get to know. As a writer I have a special place in my heart for voyeurs.
6th October 2008 at 9:39 pm
God damn it. I’m always misplacing my sex tape.
7th October 2008 at 12:03 am
Oh, this is gorgeous - especially the first couple of paragraphs. Like really tenderly voyeuristic and un-obviously intimate. It made me think a little of Miranda July’s stories- maybe just because they’re still fresh in my mind - but I think it’s the perspective.
7th October 2008 at 7:52 am
stretch out finger tip warm beautiful
7th October 2008 at 10:34 am
I’ve checked both Blockbuster and Lovefilm, and I can’t find this movie anywhere. Can you help?
7th October 2008 at 2:48 pm
Carah: Hello and welcome. I’m glad you enjoyed all parts. :)
Paul: Oh, Paul, I bet you say that to all the girls. (wink,wink)
Jem: Thanks, Jem. It was interesting figuring out the level of detail I wanted to go to, and why some details felt more important than others.
Jim: I am just as fascinated by those fickle creatures as you, Mr Murdoch.
Clarissa: You fickle creature, you.
Roberta: Hello, Roberta. Gosh, I only wish I could approximate Ms July’s tender, honest handling of difficult subjects.
Isabelle: Did you smile and sigh deeply, too?
AUW: Check the super secret back room of your local video store. You know, behind the beaded curtain.