I am not racist so fuck you
12th September 2008I saw the Queen Mother at the post office this morning. The Queen Mother hobbled in, dragging a large umbrella and recklessly pulling a plaid trolley behind her. The Queen Mother and I made eye contact and I immediately sensed I shouldn’t have done; perhaps I should have bowed my head or curtsied or something. But the Queen Mother took my irreverence in her stride and, sidling up to me, she casually complained about the weather. As she did, the Queen Mother attempted to ruffle up the white tufts of candy floss hair behind her ears and on top of her wrinkly forehead. The Queen Mother must not have had much business at the post office because though I was ahead of her in the queue, she quickly caught up to me as I headed toward the exit. The Queen Mother asked me if her slip was showing and whether I would take the lift to the ground floor with her; a monarch should never ride the lift alone. The Queen Mother told me she very much likes black people because, unlike her own people, black people indulge her in friendly banter once in a while. And here I thought the Queen Mother loved all her subjects equally.
12th September 2008 at 9:24 pm
I think you’ve just written about the sainted and very much dead Queen Mother showing her underwear in public.
I promise to lead the campaign to free you from the Tower of London, where you will have been imprisoned on charges of treason, prior to your execution.
12th September 2008 at 10:52 pm
That’s if they catch her first. Run! White people are slow and lazy and fat; they’d never catch anyone making a proper chase.
13th September 2008 at 2:34 am
Bloody crikey - you’re more Gothic than I am
You dug the bitch up? Well hoorah. I wondered why the coffin was empty when I got there.
13th September 2008 at 8:53 am
So this is you moving into your Sue Townsend phase?
Technical point - does a Queen Dowager actually have subjects?
13th September 2008 at 10:02 am
AUW: I shall begin growing my hair so when the time comes, I can toss it over the window sill and you can climb up and pretend to gallantly save me.
2ndhandsoul: Remember kids, don’t believe everything you read.
Spanish Goth: What? You mean she’s … she’s … dead?! *cries*
Jim: Never read Ms Townsend, I’m afraid. I didn’t grow up here, which may also explain why I don’t believe in the idea of royal subjects in general. [Oh god. I hope that remark doesn’t get me kicked out!]
13th September 2008 at 3:54 pm
I’m like the Queen Mother. Big fan of friendly banter.
14th September 2008 at 2:57 am
As they say, the Queen is dead! But aren’t they all? I enjoy all your “starfucking” entries, keep them coming.
15th September 2008 at 6:50 pm
Rob: Hello and welcome. There’s plenty of friendly banter to be found here. And some unfriendly banter, too, probably. ;)
Your Wandering Mind: Thanks. Apparently not all queens are dead, no. Literally or figuratively. But punk is.
17th September 2008 at 10:16 pm
I think the royal family are quite nice.
17th September 2008 at 10:35 pm
I think Drodbar is quite nice.
Sir Drodbar of Blogspot has quite a nice ring, don’t you think?
18th September 2008 at 10:12 pm
Your Majesty, don’t you have an appointment with a casket-sizer to get to? Don’t be late for your fitting, now!
18th September 2008 at 10:14 pm
P.S. Err, just to knock myself down a notch here: I acutally went to double-check to see if the Queen was still alive or not. Just in case, you know?
18th September 2008 at 10:15 pm
P.P.S. Actually…not acutally. Sigh. /spam