Comments on: Melody of certain damaged lemons http://downinme.com/2008/07/23/couldnt-help-but/ “bad writing is characterized by obfuscation, showboating, narcissism, lack of a moral core, and style over substance." Wed, 04 Jan 2012 11:09:15 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.4 By: Ani http://downinme.com/2008/07/23/couldnt-help-but/comment-page-1/#comment-1863 Ani Fri, 25 Jul 2008 10:16:10 +0000 http://downinme.com/?p=256#comment-1863 Z: You. AUW: You do? I'll invite you to the clubhouse in the old elm tree for our super secret meeting next time. I'll send you the super secret password/handshake instructions by courier. Jim: Thanks, Jim. I'm glad there were more questions than answers. That's a recurring problem around here. The title is nicked from an album by Blonde Redhead. Not that knowing that gives you any more answers. You're right, though. There are definitely worthwhile themes to be developed here. Andre: Thanks, Astro Boy! Z: You kinda usually know where I'm coming from, though. A very rare, very precious thing. ;) Z: You.

AUW: You do? I’ll invite you to the clubhouse in the old elm tree for our super secret meeting next time. I’ll send you the super secret password/handshake instructions by courier.

Jim: Thanks, Jim. I’m glad there were more questions than answers. That’s a recurring problem around here. The title is nicked from an album by Blonde Redhead. Not that knowing that gives you any more answers. You’re right, though. There are definitely worthwhile themes to be developed here.

Andre: Thanks, Astro Boy!

Z: You kinda usually know where I’m coming from, though. A very rare, very precious thing. ;)

]]> By: Z http://downinme.com/2008/07/23/couldnt-help-but/comment-page-1/#comment-1862 Z Fri, 25 Jul 2008 10:14:23 +0000 http://downinme.com/?p=256#comment-1862 Hmmm. I'm going to take issue with Jim here. It all made just the sense I wanted it to, and fell into place like ... like things that have a place to fall into, and do it perfectly. Hmmm. I’m going to take issue with Jim here. It all made just the sense I wanted it to, and fell into place like … like things that have a place to fall into, and do it perfectly.

]]> By: andre http://downinme.com/2008/07/23/couldnt-help-but/comment-page-1/#comment-1860 andre Thu, 24 Jul 2008 15:37:58 +0000 http://downinme.com/?p=256#comment-1860 lovely words lovely words

]]> By: Jim Murdoch http://downinme.com/2008/07/23/couldnt-help-but/comment-page-1/#comment-1859 Jim Murdoch Thu, 24 Jul 2008 15:31:10 +0000 http://downinme.com/?p=256#comment-1859 I'm not sure where this piece is going. My first thought was that the narrator is blind and I assumed 'clock-watchers' was a pun when I got to it. The title is of no help whatsoever though. Who are the 'we' in the last two sentences? I assume a couple. But then what is the crowd they have fallen into? The first two sentences are past tense; the last two, present. I assume that the narrator is looking back at a situation in which they no longer find themselves but there are more questions to the piece than answers I'm afraid. At least as far as I'm concerned. It needs developing. Personally I'd drop the last two sentences and explore the space this couple found themselves in. I’m not sure where this piece is going. My first thought was that the narrator is blind and I assumed ‘clock-watchers’ was a pun when I got to it. The title is of no help whatsoever though. Who are the ‘we’ in the last two sentences? I assume a couple. But then what is the crowd they have fallen into? The first two sentences are past tense; the last two, present. I assume that the narrator is looking back at a situation in which they no longer find themselves but there are more questions to the piece than answers I’m afraid. At least as far as I’m concerned. It needs developing. Personally I’d drop the last two sentences and explore the space this couple found themselves in.

]]> By: An Unreliable Witness http://downinme.com/2008/07/23/couldnt-help-but/comment-page-1/#comment-1858 An Unreliable Witness Wed, 23 Jul 2008 20:14:57 +0000 http://downinme.com/?p=256#comment-1858 I wish I knew some song-singing, passively-aggressive tragic romantics. They sound like my sort of people. Ah well. *sighs* I wish I knew some song-singing, passively-aggressive tragic romantics. They sound like my sort of people.

Ah well.

*sighs*

]]> By: Z http://downinme.com/2008/07/23/couldnt-help-but/comment-page-1/#comment-1857 Z Wed, 23 Jul 2008 16:09:34 +0000 http://downinme.com/?p=256#comment-1857 Beautiful. Beautiful.

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