Melody of certain damaged lemons
In the sea of faces I groped noses and hair-handfuls and poked eyes, blindly feeling through until I stumbled upon yours: perfectly moulded under the fleshy pads of my fingers and palms; the crook of the nose at just the right angle to the bend of my thumb, the rosy cheeks pliant beneath my fingertips, and a jaw line, plainly pointed in my specific direction. An awkward position, to be sure, but one into which we couldn’t help but fall. We are the clock-watchers, the song-singers, the passively-aggressive, tragic romantics of this story. We amble along unsure, viewing everything askew, watching mostly from without, quietly humming to each other.
23 July 2008 at 5:09 pm
Beautiful.
23 July 2008 at 9:14 pm
I wish I knew some song-singing, passively-aggressive tragic romantics. They sound like my sort of people.
Ah well. *sighs*
24 July 2008 at 4:31 pm
I’m not sure where this piece is going. My first thought was that the narrator is blind and I assumed ‘clock-watchers’ was a pun when I got to it. The title is of no help whatsoever though. Who are the ‘we’ in the last two sentences? I assume a couple. But then what is the crowd they have fallen into? The first two sentences are past tense; the last two, present. I assume that the narrator is looking back at a situation in which they no longer find themselves but there are more questions to the piece than answers I’m afraid. At least as far as I’m concerned. It needs developing. Personally I’d drop the last two sentences and explore the space this couple found themselves in.
24 July 2008 at 4:37 pm
lovely words
25 July 2008 at 11:14 am
Hmmm. I’m going to take issue with Jim here. It all made just the sense I wanted it to, and fell into place like … like things that have a place to fall into, and do it perfectly.
25 July 2008 at 11:16 am
Z: You.
AUW: You do? I’ll invite you to the clubhouse in the old elm tree for our super secret meeting next time. I’ll send you the super secret password/handshake instructions by courier.
Jim: Thanks, Jim. I’m glad there were more questions than answers. That’s a recurring problem around here. The title is nicked from an album by Blonde Redhead. Not that knowing that gives you any more answers. You’re right, though. There are definitely worthwhile themes to be developed here.
Andre: Thanks, Astro Boy!
Z: You kinda usually know where I’m coming from, though. A very rare, very precious thing. ;)