I am.
This will come as no surprise to you: I really have no idea what the fuck I am doing. I am the only person in the world and at the same time, I don’t exist at all. I am surrounded by lots of no one. I am alone. I am not together. I am all that matters. I am worthless. I am saintly. I am clueless. I am acid. I am apples. I am rain. I am trees. I am nothing. I can not stop writing sentences that begin with ‘I am’. I am I am I am I am I am I am I am I am. Someone take the wheel, please. I am in no condition to drive.
14 July 2008 at 8:28 pm
I will give you cab fare. I will put you on my handlebars while I peddle furiously to get you where you are going. I will drive you (though I really am a shit driver). I will scratch your tummy and make you purr.
14 July 2008 at 9:08 pm
You’re a daffodil.
14 July 2008 at 10:33 pm
tonight, let me drive.
15 July 2008 at 10:25 am
Clarissa: You’re lovely. *purrrrrrrrr*
Z: You’re lovely, too. *petal wiggle*
Max: Hello and welcome, Max. Oh, if only it were that easy… ;)
15 July 2008 at 11:17 am
I stumbled a bit over “I can not stop writing…” because I would normally use ‘cannot’. I know there’s no difference but I think using the two words is actually better because it felt like shifting gear in between. Try pausing for a second as you read it and you’ll get the idea, as if you’re not quite sure what’s coming next and then your words catch up on you and accelerate.
That said, I think “lots of no one” would be better as “no ones”.
Nice rant.
15 July 2008 at 3:48 pm
I understand. Really, I do. A little too well perhaps - this all sounds very familiar.
15 July 2008 at 6:41 pm
That was hypnotic. And these days I am not easily hypnotised. (Incidentally, I dont recommend driving either. You need to know someone who can get a discount on black cab fares)
16 July 2008 at 11:59 am
Yes.
16 July 2008 at 2:27 pm
Jim: How do you always hone in so precisely? :) My default setting is for contractions, so you can imagine how deliberately I chose the spaciousness (and you were right, the implied pause) that ‘can not’ provides. As for ‘lots of no one,’ I’m glad that sounded as muddled as it truly is.
Ben: You are too beautiful to ever feel anything so ugly, dearest Ben.
AUW: You are getting sleeeeeeepy. Very sleeeeeepy. You feel like handing me yoooour wallet. Oh, and your Mac laaaaaaptop. Yeeeees.
Carla: No! Um. Sorry, reflex mechanism. I am quite contrary, you see. What I meant was: hello and welcome! ;)
22 July 2008 at 9:32 pm
You sound like a solipsist in exile, on speed.