I’m not a hipster so fuck you
I saw Miranda July when I left the house this morning. Miranda July walked towards me with her alabaster skin and her flighty expression. Miranda July was wearing a stripey top in graded shades of blue, paired with ill-fitting, bunch-up-around-your-ankles blue jeans and scuffed white Keds. As she drew closer, I noticed Miranda July’s hair was a dark reddish auburn now. I didn’t think Miranda July cowed to the more superficial aspects of womanhood. I still want hip, old Miranda to be my girlfriend, even if she’s not secure enough to sport a greying mane. I want to make love and pasta sauce with Miranda July. Miranda July can braid my hair while we critique her new art pieces using phrases like ‘seedy Warren Beatty’ and ‘oh my god’ and ‘Mozambique spring’. When she turned the corner, I actually took notes about Miranda July in my trendy, black moleskine. Miranda July never once looked at me. I felt like next-day bitter birthday cake.
2 July 2008 at 3:05 pm
Miranda July, oh. I had to google around to realize. Once I wrote a short story – I baptized the heroin Janis January. It sounds way better than Miranda July, imho, and it proves me a pathetic hipster who likes next-day bitter birthday cakes – served with hot black coffee, if possible :)
3 July 2008 at 2:24 pm
I had to look up Miranda July too. Sorry – Scotland is such a backwater. I watched a video of her talking. She’s pretty. I love your sentence: “I want to make love and pasta sauce with Miranda July.” Beautiful, just beautiful.
3 July 2008 at 9:56 pm
I saw Kurt Vonnegut in a Transit van turning left of the A40 flyover north of Shepherd’s Bush today. Well, I say it was Kurt Vonnegut, but since Kurt Vonnegut is dead, it obviously couldn’t be.
Though this guy didn’t look well. So it could be.
[I think you do these posts better than I do.]
4 July 2008 at 10:14 am
Lore: I like Janis January. I wonder what her story is about. But that doesn’t prove anything except that you are a fellow fan (ha) of alliteration.
Jim: Don’t feel too badly, I imagine she’s most well-known amongst tragic, city-dwelling hipsters. Um. Such as myself. Ahem. [readjusting my thick, black plastic frames]
AUW: No, you’re way funnier. I bet it was him. Totally. I’d bet a whole slab of cheddar on it.
4 July 2008 at 11:40 am
That last line says it all! Great piece - I love writing irrational tales of how it would be if I met people who wouldn’t know me.
4 July 2008 at 12:27 pm
Jem: Are you calling me irrational? I mean, you’d be right, probably. But still. ;)