It’s like a metaphor for our relationship: towels
“See, I’m like this beach towel.”
“What are you talking about?”
“The beach towel, in this bath, with the bath towels.”
” … ”
“Don’t you see? It’s like a metaphor for our relationship.”
“And you’re the beach towel?”
“Yes.”
“Then who am I?”
“You’re the bath towel.”
“Oh.”
“You know what I mean? Think about it. What are the main differences between a beach towel and a bath towel? Beach towels are…?”
“BIG! Beach towels are big.”
“Ummm…”
“Oh, sugar, I know you’re worried about your weight, but…”
“Shut up. Beach towels are colourful. I bring colour into your life, that’s what I’m saying. I’m different from the others, I make your life better, even though, technically, I shouldn’t be in it.”
“So you’re loud and obnoxious is what you’re saying?”
“Just shut up. I’m not loud. Obnoxious, maybe. Not loud.”
“Okay, okay. So my life is this bathroom… ha! And you’re the beach towel that doesn’t belong in the bathroom. And me and everyone else in my life are bath towels.”
“Yes.”
“Why do you get to be the unique one? It’s my bathroom, so surely I am the beach towel and it’s everyone else who are the bath towels.”
“Forget it.”
“Heh. You know… I just thought of something. I am about to dry my ass with you.”
18 May 2008 at 3:14 am
I once stayed in a really run down strip motel in my old hometown (for the heck of it). I was super paranoid about filth and whatnot. I had a couple of hours of sleep, woke up to take a shower and examined the towels in the bathroom before using. One had a hair on it. I thought to myself. “Oh good, His and Hair towels”
18 May 2008 at 10:42 am
I think I might be a dishcloth?
18 May 2008 at 3:40 pm
It’s like a metaphor for my life: towels
I’m one of those old hand towels you put in a draw to use as a rag, that eventually, after countless use for cleaning up horrible jobs, gets ripped up into small pieces, so bits can be used to shine the excess polish off shoes and then thrown in the trash.
mmm… now you’ve got me going! …I’d better stop, as I know I could go on an on with this ;)
Yes, it’s me! leaving a comment for the first time (I think)… maybe it should’ve been a more cheerful one?
18 May 2008 at 6:21 pm
No: mine’s the Cheerful One *sigh*
18 May 2008 at 6:22 pm
Excuse me whilst I alter my capitalisation.
(I’m so embarrassed.)
18 May 2008 at 8:18 pm
So am I to understand, from all the above comments, that this is in fact a cheerful blog?
Right, that’s it, I’m off - and I’m taking my tasteless and gaudy striped towel with me.
19 May 2008 at 10:54 am
Ben Prisk: I don’t know what’s more disturbing, the hair itself or the pun. ;)
Cheerful One: Sometimes we’re the beach towel, sometimes we’re the rag, eh? But, please don’t fret about capitalisation. Whilst we uphold the beauty of the language, we frown upon any sort of policing here! [Don’t mind me, I’m feeling idealistic at the moment.]
Dinos: Welcome! Don’t worry. You’ll be the lone, fluffy beach towel near a hot tub full of Grecian beauties soon. These things are cyclical.
AUW: Angst! Horror! Doom! Gloom! Darkness! Shadows! Death!!! [There, will that do? We can’t have you wandering off with the towels. Gaudy though they may be.]
19 May 2008 at 7:56 pm
I am working really hard at not mentioning Germans and towels. Just so you know :)
20 May 2008 at 8:15 am
And I am working really hard at not mentioning hitch-hikers and towels. Just so you know. Erm, not that you’ll ever stop a passing spaceship with that gaudy example.
20 May 2008 at 3:29 pm
Yeah, forget the unparalleled depth and sheer beauty of my sparkling analysis of interpersonal relationships… let’s talk about towels! [/tantrum]
21 May 2008 at 2:30 pm
hilarious. some of the best dialogue i’ve seen in the blog world.
22 May 2008 at 8:17 pm
Why were the towels IN the bath? Is it like a hotel, where you leave the dirty ones in the bath to get nice clean ones? My towels are all hard and scratchy, and now I’m worried.
22 May 2008 at 9:07 pm
To Z: if your towels are hard and scratchy, I heartily recommend Ani Smith ‘Down In Me’ fabric conditioner, guaranteed to make your towels both feel and smell of summer meadows (though without the cows; or the tractor). Ani Smith ‘Down In Me’ fabric conditioner is now available on the official ‘Down In Me’ merchandise site.
24 May 2008 at 2:05 pm
Mr. Witness, that is excellent news! I very much enjoy using my Ani Smith ‘Down In Me’ mug, although my Ani Smith ‘Down In Me’ t-shirt has so far failed to arrive.