Delusive Snippet #1
I have a nice ass.
No, really, I do. I don’t go to the gym. I think it results from being so uptight all the time. Your body remembers the position after a while and years later you can’t remember what came first. Did stress cause the firm glutes and tight sphincter, or the other way around? Either way, if the result is an ass as nice as mine, I’m not worried. Worrying leads to forehead wrinkles and nobody wants that. They come into view before your ass does, after all.
25 October 2007 at 5:09 pm
Tell the truth, you’re afraid if you relax your sphincter your head will fall out, aren’t you?
I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist. Don’t hurt me. No, I mean do, please.
25 October 2007 at 5:37 pm
I relax my sphincter by singing it soothing lullabies.
Meanwhile, my brow has so many lines in it that I can run small rivulets of water from one side to the other.
25 October 2007 at 9:50 pm
That is hysterical.
25 October 2007 at 9:59 pm
Hmmmmm.
How do I account for my delightfully perky but enormous breasts?
25 October 2007 at 11:03 pm
Z: I deeply resent your suggestion. Have you EVER known me to be so self-absorbed? Err, don’t answer that.
AUW: Oh, dear. They have creams for that sort of thing you know.
Clarissa: And by ‘that’ you don’t mean the post but the comments above you, huh?
Bohémienne: Hmm. I’m not sure, I may need to see them. You know, to give you an informed opinion, of course. Ahem.
26 October 2007 at 2:04 am
Quite a lot of information on the sphincter there.
Keep us posted.
26 October 2007 at 3:44 pm
Just as long as your ass doesn’t wrinkle, I think your theory works nicely.
26 October 2007 at 4:47 pm
Smart thinking, Ani! I think I also tighten my glutes a lot; it’s a very logical theory.
So are you advocating excess worry and neurosis, as opposed to the beauty ads which want us to be Angels in the House without a thought or a wrinkle? You should pitch this idea to Dove’s “Campaign for Real Beauty.” Especially the sphincter part, with its potential for anal sex references. As a Madison Avenue copywriter, I would love to work on this campaign.
26 October 2007 at 8:21 pm
OE: Honestly, I just wanted to use the word ‘sphincter’ in a post.
Persico: I’m sure it will wrinkle eventually. Might as well call attention to it now!
Marcelle Manhattan: Absolutely! I’m a staunch advocate for neuroses of any kind. Forget anal sex, though. The phrase ‘Madison Avenue copywriter’ really does it for me.
26 October 2007 at 8:53 pm
I wonder, could AUW release a cd: Sphincter Melodies for Uptight Asses.
I’m sure somewhere in the world, in some culture, my ass is dangerously nice too.
26 October 2007 at 9:04 pm
“I wonder, could AUW release a cd: Sphincter Melodies for Uptight Asses.”
Yes, it’s out now on iTunes.
Oh wait, no, it isn’t. I think it’s just the new album by The Rolling Stones.